The first time I gave home tuition, I pissed my tutee's father off because I rejected his kind gesture to get me a drink. He was a indian businessman, I was a 18 years old young chap. I know nothing about how a businessman build relationship.
2 years later, I completed my training and started work in the army. My direct superior was a army regular and also a friendly guy. One evening after a tiring week, he invited me and 3 other colleagues for a dinner treat. "This time," I thought to myself, " I will be more street-smart and just order freely what I want. He will feel good treating us and see us enjoying the dinner!" Looking at his expression when the bills came, I knew my hypothesis was wrong again. Later in the evening, another colleague told me that when the boss decided to treat us, we should return the kind gesture by ordering the cheaper items. I kept that lesson in mind.
After my National Service, I started work at a trading firm. My boss was a chinese from People's Republic of China(PRC) and surprisingly, I had a good rapport with him. Sometimes, I even helped his son with school work. In return, he often insisted on treating me to dinner in restaurants. I tried to apply the lesson I learnt from the past by ordering cheaper items but that pissed him off. Most of the time, he would take over the menu and make many extra and expensive orders. The result was a lot of food wasted. But he liked it that way and that confused me.
Later on, I had a better understanding of how people from different origins and culture behaves. To the chinese, "Mian Zi" (Face) and "Guan Xi" were the things they value the most. Not how much they need to spend on a dinner. To the indian businessman, its basic courtesy to accept the host's offer.
Now that I know these cultural difference, I have learn to be more flexible and conduct myself appropriately with people from different culture.
Hi Ian,
ReplyDeleteThose were good examples that you've given, and your post have made me reflect on my daily encounters with people from different background and cultures. Yup, I agree we should be more flexible when we interact with people from different culture. This can be done by probably watching how others behave/react towards a certain situation. For example, when you were with the other colleagues during the treat in the restaurant, you can watch what they order first to get an estimation of what kind of food you should order.
Some grammar mistake that I've picked up:
(The use of correct article: 'a' and 'an')
He was a indian businessman, I was a 18 years old young chap... My direct superior was a army --> an indian, an 18-year-old, an army
Now that I know these cultural difference --> differences
I have learn to be more.. --> have learnt
Hi Ian!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing such an insightful post. After readin this, I realised that I will need to pay more attention to how i interact with people of different races now, even though we share the same nationality.
May I know what is the nationality of your direct superior in the army? I am guessing he is not a Chinese since you mentioned that the Chinese values "Mian Zi" and "Guan Xi" but the reaction you received from your superior did not really showcase that.
I think you might have missed out the english translation of "Guan Xi". To my other non-Chinese friends reading this post, "Guan Xi" actually means relations.
I do think that reacting to such ceremonies can be really confusing due to the different cultures practised by different people. Sometimes, it can get even more difficult to decipher the kind of reaction you should give with the individual cultures some people practise. I agree with Josephine that one way to prevent ourselves from responding inapropriately is to spend some time to observe and understand what the person values before jumping into giving a respond. Furthermore, I think that if we realised that we made a mistake like you did previously, we can try to do something in return to seek for forgiveness and understanding from the other party. =)
Hi Ian,
ReplyDeleteYour stories are really interesting. Thanks to them, I realize that we should watch out for our communications even if it is only for eating lunch. Nevertheless, I think most of us share the same culture of liking free food so it may be easier if we offer to treat them again in another occasion. I also notice a minor grammar mistake for you to edit: “I know nothing about…” ->”knew”.
In conclusion, I thank you for your post again. It gives me an interesting tip to eat with different people in the future.
Thank you, Ian, for sharing this "smorgasbord" of experiences related to the varying norms for accepting (or rejecting) an invitation for a drink or dinner. You do a good job of describing your various gaffes based on the apparent lack of cultural/interpersonal understanding. I appreciate your effort, and your clear learning!
ReplyDelete